freckleddoll | 31 tightropes walked

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31 tightropes walked - accidental video

[Doll's half-lying on the sofa, Tiger in her lap as she absent-mindedly pets his head, talking to him - or maybe just talking to herself. But talking to yourself is easier with company.]

's the last day to write that up for them, Tiger. But what could I even say? I ain't good at writin', or at puttin' words together like that, makin' 'em make sense. At least it's a word I don't need a dictionary for this time. Or any kind of explainin'.

[Grimacing, but it smooths out into a smile down at the puppy as he licks her hand.]

I think it's crueller'n a curse anyway, tellin' us to write about pain. Like they don't know it'd make us all 'ave to remember what it means to us.

It used to get so bad, after days without food, it'd feel like your insides were tryin' to eat you. It'd be freezin' outside too, an' most times we didn't 'ave a spare rag between us to keep warm. Was too small an' too slow to get things any way else, an' if they caught us they'd beat us an' then everythin' would 'urt. Couldn't even do that much for the others, gettin' 'em somethin' to eat since most of 'em couldn't walk or carry stuff... Used to 'urt too, when they'd call us names for bein' orphans, or 'cause...they didn't like the look of us. Different kind of pain, that. Didn't 'urt as much as everythin' else though, but it was still pretty bad.

Maybe the only good thing about pain is it makes you appreciate some things more when you finally 'ave 'em. Makes you see what's really important. But it doesn't stop, not really. Every time you think it's goin' to stop then somethin' worse comes along... Or it feels like it. Nothin' could really be worse'n back then.

[Tiger whines; she'd been holding him too tightly, and now she lets go with a apologetic scratching between his ears.]

Sorry, boy. Shouldn't complain, should I? It ain't all that bad 'ere, ain't bad at all most days. If only Beast an' Joker an' the rest were around too.

Come on, let's take you out for a walk. Any of the others 'eard me maudlin' like this, they'd never stand for it.

[Getting up and knocking the communicator over as she does so, cutting off the recording.]

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[John takes his to the corner of the bed. He's very dainty and aloof--almost like a cat. He and Tiger should warm up to each other eventually, though.]

Sure! Just let me-- [Penny pauses for a moment to make sure everything's in order.] Actually, that's about it, but thank you.

[She sits on the opposite corner of the bed, Tiger sitting at her heels munching his cookie, leaving room for Penny to sit too.]

Alright, 'ave a bit of a break then? Can't eat all these on my own!

Well, thank you.

[Penny sits next to Doll and helps herself.]

Hey, do you want to do something today? Later, I mean. The weather's so nice... I don't know what I want to do, but I know that I want to be out there doing something.

Yeah, sure, we could do that! Can take Tiger an' John out maybe. [A glance over at the two dogs.] Love how the weather is 'ere most times, 's a lot better'n it ever was back 'ome. Could even go to the beach, maybe.

[John's ears perk up at the mention of his name, but he looks unimpressed by the idea of a walk. Of course, the dog's default expression seems to be 'unimpressed.']

Ooh... the beach sounds nice. The dogs'd like that, too. [Just one more cookie...] What's the weather like at home? Rainy?

[Tiger, on the other hand, is rolling around happily on his back, eager to leave already. What a pair those two make.]

Rainy, foggy, cold. Does warm up sometimes in summer but it ain't the same as 'ere. Do miss it sometimes, actually...not all that often, though.

[Opposites attract, right? Tiger and John should get along fine. Eventually.]

That doesn't sound too bad. I mean, I get where it could get kind of gloomy after awhile... [But rainy, foggy, and cold sounds exciting when you've lived your life in L.A.] I can see why you'd miss it sometimes, since it's so different here. Just kind of reminds you that you're not home.

[They will! With a bit of time.]

Yeah, that's it. Not that 'ome 'ad all that much that was good about it, but... [Well, she was sure Penny had gotten to hear just how bad it had been.] It was still 'ome 'cause the others were there.

Edited 2010-06-22 19:14 (UTC)

[Penny gives Freckles a one-armed half hug.]

It's okay to miss them, you know. Having your whole family taken away all at once--that's not something you get over right away.

[And Penny is getting a proper hug right back, Doll clinging more than she usually would.]

I know. I just thought it might get easier. It's been a long time now...

[Well, then Doll clearly warrants a full hug. Penny feels a little bad for bringing the subject up.]

Maybe it doesn't get easier, but you know what? I'm pretty sure you'll go back to them or they'll come here. Families don't stay apart forever.

[Don't feel bad, Penny. It helps her to talk about it, really. She already feels better.]

Don't know about that. Sometimes they do... But can't think that way.

You don't think they always do?

[She sounds genuinely baffled, as if it never occurred to her that families could possibly be permanently separated.]

[She looks back up at her with a small, wry smile. Doll could be naive sometimes but she'd lived rough too long to ignore certain things.]

Ain't always an 'appy endin', Penny.

[Maybe Doll's had it a bit too rough. Penny's quite sure of what she says.]

How do you know?

The kind of things you see sometimes...

[She shrugs - it's not that she doesn't want to explain, she just doesn't want to say anything that might sadden Penny.]

[Penny looks nothing if not genuinely curious.]

Do you want to tell me what kinds of things? ...I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, but it helps sometimes. Getting things out of your head.

[She's fiddling with the fringe hiding her scars, a nervous habit that tends to crop up whenever she's feeling anxious.]

Where I grew up...most people, they 'ad really bad starts an' never managed to get past that. Got stuck in it all their lives.

[She doesn't know how to go into detail without worrying or upsetting Penny. The streets of the East End had been no place for a child to grow up. Pickpockets and thieves, prostitutes in corners or in the alleys where Doll and her friend tried to steal a few hours of shivering cold sleep, murders.]

Even if you get out of there...doesn't mean an 'appy endin'. Doesn't come for free, bein' saved from a place like that.

[Penny doesn't want to press Doll--the poor girl is so nervous--but she really does want to convince of... something. An inherent justice in the world, maybe. That there's happiness for everyone. She may seem largely oblivious to the terrible things in the world, but Penny has some ideas about what Doll's seen. She's seen some of the worst of humanity herself in the seedier parts of Los Angeles. If there was only a way to make Doll feel confident in the ultimate goodness of the world...]

Nothing comes for free. I mean, we have to work at it to get away from the bad places we start in or end up in...

[Those aren't the right words at all. Penny hugs Doll again.]

There's hope, though, isn't there? Even if you can't get yourself away from a bad situation, there's hope that things'll get better. And there're ways to be happy, even when the places we start in can't be escaped.

[She nods and returns the hug, trying to let the words comfort her even if nothing comes for free has terrible connotations for her. The things she's had to do and the children she helped hurt...all to try and get something better than what they'd had for her siblings and herself.]

Yeah...yeah, you're right. We did get to be 'appy, even when things were bad.

["Nothing comes for free" is such an easy thing for most people to say. It doesn't occur to Penny that it might be more than a trite saying to Doll.]

Well... there you go. And you're happy here sometimes, right?

Yeah. [Penny gets a smile up at her, brighter than Doll's previous ones.] Yeah, course I am, 've been very lucky 'ere with everythin' I've got.

I think you've more than earned anything good you've got. You're a good person, Freckles. Good things come to good people eventually, I think.

[It's a rather naive philosophy, and one that Penny's life didn't exactly follow, but it still convinces her. She returns the smile.]

Not that a little luck doesn't help sometimes.

Guess everythin' 'elps. Bein' given the chance to work for it...that 'elps too.

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31 tightropes walked - accidental video

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